Life, Death and Learning
This has been a tough year for many of those closest to me as well as myself. 2 months ago we had a miscarriage and all I could lean on was the fact that God is sovereign. There is no swaying that and allowing myself to believe otherwise would not enable me to be there for my wife as she grieved, which in turn I put off because I was focused on the kids and her. Then I was listening to a sermon (can't remember if it was Piper, Driscoll, Stanley, or Dukes) but the term grace was used. This word grace set off a sensor in my brain that took me back to a place from a year earlier when my small group had studied 1st Peter and we looked at the story of Noah. It says in Genesis that Noah was shown favor, that of course is the OT (Old Testament) term for grace. And I thought on this word favor which led to my writing the following couple paragraphs which I have never published until now:
Sovereignty has been something disputed. Is God sovereign or isn't He? He obviously can't be it just some of the time. It's the belief that God has everything under His control that allows us to get out of bed in the morning. In the New Testament we know that it is by "grace" that we have been saved. A sovereign grace that our own works had nothing to do with. In the Old Testament the word used is "Favor." Noah and his family were saved because he found "favor" in the eyes of God. Abraham was favored by God. Israel was the chosen, favored nation. Grace takes on a new meaning when you look at it through the term favor. If I receive grace because I am favored the lens of life changes, I can't look at it the same. Obviously, we can become proud (like the Israelites) that we were chosen to receive grace, but what happens when it doesn't seem like you have been favored?
I realize what I deserve is death, that's the wages of sin, it's what I have earned, but I have received grace. Sometimes events happen where the grace isn't as apparent, when you feel anything but favored. Solomon knew all about it when he wrote that there is a season for everything. Then there are times where you believe you have been favored and it is as if the favor has been taken away. I understand David crying out from the depths. I can relate to the pain he must have felt when his best friend was taken from him.
How do we recover from loss? How do we come back to a place of feeling favored? Intellectually I know that I am favored but emotionally I feel anything but. It's so difficult to sit by and watch something dear to you and your most loved of ones disappear and then not be able to heal the hurt that is left in that void. To know others love you and want nothing more than to help but not be able to even express how it is you feel or what it is that hurts is extremely frustrating.
Even now these words take me back to a place where I hurt, not just for myself but more for my family. Over the past year my older brother and his wife lost a baby as well and a couple weeks ago my mother's first child (Michael Patrick) would have turned 40 had he not been lost in delivery. As we hurt my Mom and sister-in-law were feeling very similar pain, but it didn't stop there. Many other families came to us and explained how they had similar experiences and were still dealing with the pain of the lost child, obviously that pain sticks with people even 40 years later.
All this has allowed God to speak to my Dad and he is now leading a movement to start a memorial for all the lost children of those that live in the area, whether they were miscarriages, still-born, aborted or lost very shortly after birth. Many families do not have a place to go to and remember the life that was a part of them, or if there is a site it may be out of state (as in the case of my mom). This in turn has led to a discovery of how many people are effected and never given the support they need in this time.
All that brings me back to what originally held me together GOD IS SOVEREIGN! Without his favor even in pain we wouldn't now be in a place to help minister to others, we wouldn't know how to love those that lost something so dear. Even in this God has shown His favor. Christ said we have to take up our cross and follow Him. That means supreme surrender. He said that you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and strength. That means He gets all your love, all of it. In spite of circumstances He requires that love. He ever went as far as to say you must hate your family to follow, which is simply you can not put anyone before the Lord (much easier said than done believe me, it's a daily struggle). This means even loving Him through tough painful circumstances.
So even in this He has shown His unmerited favor on our family. Which leads to the project, a memorial wall and life garden are in the works for the west orange and south lake communities. It's still in it's earliest phase but there are ideas and prayers being lifted for the opportunity to give something back to the families which have lost something so dear. It also may open up doors to minister to families individually who are still dealing with the loss or just recently had a loss. If God is talking to you at all about helping in this process I ask you too get involved. Is this something that potentially could help in the healing process for you and what might that need to look like.
There is a tendency to take the hurt and put blame and question God and His motives but we will never understand the mind of God because our brains just don't have the capacity to see the big picture but we can lean on the fact that He works all things out for the good of those that love the Son.
Sovereignty has been something disputed. Is God sovereign or isn't He? He obviously can't be it just some of the time. It's the belief that God has everything under His control that allows us to get out of bed in the morning. In the New Testament we know that it is by "grace" that we have been saved. A sovereign grace that our own works had nothing to do with. In the Old Testament the word used is "Favor." Noah and his family were saved because he found "favor" in the eyes of God. Abraham was favored by God. Israel was the chosen, favored nation. Grace takes on a new meaning when you look at it through the term favor. If I receive grace because I am favored the lens of life changes, I can't look at it the same. Obviously, we can become proud (like the Israelites) that we were chosen to receive grace, but what happens when it doesn't seem like you have been favored?
I realize what I deserve is death, that's the wages of sin, it's what I have earned, but I have received grace. Sometimes events happen where the grace isn't as apparent, when you feel anything but favored. Solomon knew all about it when he wrote that there is a season for everything. Then there are times where you believe you have been favored and it is as if the favor has been taken away. I understand David crying out from the depths. I can relate to the pain he must have felt when his best friend was taken from him.
How do we recover from loss? How do we come back to a place of feeling favored? Intellectually I know that I am favored but emotionally I feel anything but. It's so difficult to sit by and watch something dear to you and your most loved of ones disappear and then not be able to heal the hurt that is left in that void. To know others love you and want nothing more than to help but not be able to even express how it is you feel or what it is that hurts is extremely frustrating.
Even now these words take me back to a place where I hurt, not just for myself but more for my family. Over the past year my older brother and his wife lost a baby as well and a couple weeks ago my mother's first child (Michael Patrick) would have turned 40 had he not been lost in delivery. As we hurt my Mom and sister-in-law were feeling very similar pain, but it didn't stop there. Many other families came to us and explained how they had similar experiences and were still dealing with the pain of the lost child, obviously that pain sticks with people even 40 years later.
All this has allowed God to speak to my Dad and he is now leading a movement to start a memorial for all the lost children of those that live in the area, whether they were miscarriages, still-born, aborted or lost very shortly after birth. Many families do not have a place to go to and remember the life that was a part of them, or if there is a site it may be out of state (as in the case of my mom). This in turn has led to a discovery of how many people are effected and never given the support they need in this time.
All that brings me back to what originally held me together GOD IS SOVEREIGN! Without his favor even in pain we wouldn't now be in a place to help minister to others, we wouldn't know how to love those that lost something so dear. Even in this God has shown His favor. Christ said we have to take up our cross and follow Him. That means supreme surrender. He said that you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and strength. That means He gets all your love, all of it. In spite of circumstances He requires that love. He ever went as far as to say you must hate your family to follow, which is simply you can not put anyone before the Lord (much easier said than done believe me, it's a daily struggle). This means even loving Him through tough painful circumstances.
So even in this He has shown His unmerited favor on our family. Which leads to the project, a memorial wall and life garden are in the works for the west orange and south lake communities. It's still in it's earliest phase but there are ideas and prayers being lifted for the opportunity to give something back to the families which have lost something so dear. It also may open up doors to minister to families individually who are still dealing with the loss or just recently had a loss. If God is talking to you at all about helping in this process I ask you too get involved. Is this something that potentially could help in the healing process for you and what might that need to look like.
There is a tendency to take the hurt and put blame and question God and His motives but we will never understand the mind of God because our brains just don't have the capacity to see the big picture but we can lean on the fact that He works all things out for the good of those that love the Son.
Comments